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With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it can be a difficult day for singles and for couples. For singles in my practice, I often hear how lonely, frustrating, and sad it can be (see my next upcoming blog soon about singles and dating). For couples in my practice, they frequently voice how disappointing, impersonal, and unromantic it has been, which sometimes may reflect how unsatisfying their relationship overall may be. Continue reading
EXCERPT: There are all kinds of good reasons to do so, of course. If you loved this person enough to share years of your life, buy a house, or have kids together, he must still have some redeeming qualities, right?
Hopefully. But sometimes, no matter how much history you’ve shared, staying friends with your ex ISN’T a great idea, says Dr. Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychologist whose specialties include relationships.
Read more here.
So often at this time of year, people tend to think about the regrets and losses they’ve had over the past twelve months: Regrets about what they did or didn’t do at all, enough of, or not quite right or good enough; and losses about who has left their lives through death or conflict and/or the opportunities or experiences that are over or unavailable to them now. As a result, many people feel depressed, unhappy, frustrated, angry and/or anxious. Certainly, this is not the best way to start a happy and fulfilling new year and can become a vicious cycle in which people can be unmotivated and overwhelmed about how to change things for the new year.
I often work with my clients to look at the “other side of the coin” regarding how their lives have been over the past year. In therapy terms, this is called “reframing” in which a person looks at a situation from a different angle than he/she originally did to gain perspective and to see their whole situation more accurately, positively, yet realistically as well. For instance, if you are feeling stuck and upset being in a job that you had hoped to replace with a more satisfying one this year, don’t forget or underestimate the “positiveness” of being in a job that at least is tolerable and provides job security and a decent paycheck. Or if you haven’t found the “right” significant other over this past year, at least recognize that you also haven’t settled for the “wrong” person. In essence, it is critical to remember and appreciate all the good things in your life and what you have actually gained this year (i.e., getting out of a dead-end job even if you had to start at the ground floor in a career you’ve decided you really want to be in; cutting loose a friend who really wasn’t a friend which allows you to have more room for those who truly care about you, etc.).
I know that seeing things as positive when they seem so negative and like losses and regrets is easier said than done and can feel artificial and fake. But, you can learn how to break your pattern of what you think and feel regarding how you see the world around you.
To help you learn to see things more objectively and accurately so that you can appreciate what you’ve got rather than what you don’t, seek professional counseling if needed. For further assistance, feel free to leave a message with my answering service at (310) 359-9450.
EXCERPT: Generally speaking, “men don’t want to believe they need help,” explains Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles–based psychologist who specializes in relationships. “It’s an old-school mentality, but many think they’re supposed to be stoic and tough, not weak and needy.”
That’s all well and good when, say, facing a home intruder. It’s not so beneficial when he’s got a pain in his chest that makes it hard for him to catch his breath. And it’s been going on for days.
Read more here.
EXCERPT: The Stir asked Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles–based psychologist who specializes in relationships, for tips on staying a couple and not devolving into the sexless co-parents we swore (pre-kids) that we would never become.
Her advice: Don’t just schedule date night. HAVE date night. And every week without fail. “Rediscover what it’s like to be just the two of you,” says Thomas. “Bring back that spark you had back before you were thinking of everyone’s needs but your own.”
Read more here.
EXCERPT: Dr. Yvonne Thomas, a psychologist and therapist based in Los Angeles, puts it simply: “You can be so preoccupied with your digital devices that it’s all too easy to inadvertently sacrifice time, relationships, sleep, focus, productivity and balance in your life…”
Read the full article here: http://mashable.com/2015/10/29/digital-detox-benefits/#Ft2dcKB40SqJ
EXCERPT: “Unplugging your devices and taking a time out from swiping, scrolling, and surfing can make you more productive, strengthen your relationships, and improve your sleep,” says Yvonne Thomas, Ph.D., a Los Angeles–based psychologist specializing in anxiety and relationships.
© 2016 YVONNE THOMAS, PH.D.