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EXCERPT: Let’s say you can’t make it to your friend’s baby shower and host 10 friends for dinner and squeeze in a power yoga class and finish your taxes this weekend. Is your reaction, “Oh well, that’s too much for any sane person to accomplish anyway. Whatevs.” Or is it: “What the hell is wrong with me? I’m a failure!”
Read more here.
EXCERPT: You know that saying, “You’re your own worst enemy”? Unfortunately, most of us take it to heart far more than that other well-worn cliché, “Be your own best friend.”
“Women tend to be more in touch with their emotions than men, and that cuts across the whole array — happy, sad, angry, and feeling inadequate,” explains Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles–based psychologist whose specialties include self-esteem and relationships.
Read more here.
Through the years as a psychologist, I have worked with many single men and women who have found that trying to date in Southern California is not easy. Even though there are seemingly so many potential candidates here, people often are too busy or too disconnected from each other or are exposed to so many “choices” it can be hard to pick the “one.” Actually, I remember reading an article years ago which noted that there may be around 39,000 “one’s” in the world that are right for each person, which gives everyone much better odds and much more hope in finding the right person than if there truly was just only one.
In working with my single men and women clients, here are some observations and tips which can make the whole dating experience more healthy and less frustrating: Continue reading
EXCERPT: One of the biggest deal-breakers in a relationship? Communication. As in, a LACK of it. It makes sense, really. How are you supposed to live happily ever after with someone who grunts “Eh” every time you ask a question? Might have been the norm back in caveman days, but it’s kind of lame now. Still, even in this touchy-feely day and age, “some men are trained to be stoic and ‘tough,'” says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a psychologist in Los Angeles, California, whose specialties include relationships.
Read more here.
EXCERPT: But keeping romance alive in your relationship is actually more important than you think, notes Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a psychologist in Los Angeles, California, whose specialties include relationships. “If romance starts to go away, you’ll end up more like friends or live-in roommates,” she says. “You may still love him, but you won’t feel in love with him.”
Read more here.
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, it can be a difficult day for singles and for couples. For singles in my practice, I often hear how lonely, frustrating, and sad it can be (see my next upcoming blog soon about singles and dating). For couples in my practice, they frequently voice how disappointing, impersonal, and unromantic it has been, which sometimes may reflect how unsatisfying their relationship overall may be. Continue reading
EXCERPT: There are all kinds of good reasons to do so, of course. If you loved this person enough to share years of your life, buy a house, or have kids together, he must still have some redeeming qualities, right?
Hopefully. But sometimes, no matter how much history you’ve shared, staying friends with your ex ISN’T a great idea, says Dr. Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychologist whose specialties include relationships.
Read more here.
So often at this time of year, people tend to think about the regrets and losses they’ve had over the past twelve months: Regrets about what they did or didn’t do at all, enough of, or not quite right or good enough; and losses about who has left their lives through death or conflict and/or the opportunities or experiences that are over or unavailable to them now. As a result, many people feel depressed, unhappy, frustrated, angry and/or anxious. Certainly, this is not the best way to start a happy and fulfilling new year and can become a vicious cycle in which people can be unmotivated and overwhelmed about how to change things for the new year.
I often work with my clients to look at the “other side of the coin” regarding how their lives have been over the past year. In therapy terms, this is called “reframing” in which a person looks at a situation from a different angle than he/she originally did to gain perspective and to see their whole situation more accurately, positively, yet realistically as well. For instance, if you are feeling stuck and upset being in a job that you had hoped to replace with a more satisfying one this year, don’t forget or underestimate the “positiveness” of being in a job that at least is tolerable and provides job security and a decent paycheck. Or if you haven’t found the “right” significant other over this past year, at least recognize that you also haven’t settled for the “wrong” person. In essence, it is critical to remember and appreciate all the good things in your life and what you have actually gained this year (i.e., getting out of a dead-end job even if you had to start at the ground floor in a career you’ve decided you really want to be in; cutting loose a friend who really wasn’t a friend which allows you to have more room for those who truly care about you, etc.).
I know that seeing things as positive when they seem so negative and like losses and regrets is easier said than done and can feel artificial and fake. But, you can learn how to break your pattern of what you think and feel regarding how you see the world around you.
To help you learn to see things more objectively and accurately so that you can appreciate what you’ve got rather than what you don’t, seek professional counseling if needed. For further assistance, feel free to leave a message with my answering service at (310) 359-9450.