Not Your Grandparents’ Elopement
If you ask your grandparents, they might define eloping as secret and rushed, where the couple-to-be was unexpectedly pregnant beforehand. This is an outdated motivation to elope, and luckily, couples don’t have to run away to get married these days. This is partly due to changing ideologies around eloping, and a more open-minded perspective on the whole affair, according to Los Angeles psychologist, Dr. Yvonne Thomas.
“Eloping is more acceptable because it can be a better choice for some couples,” she says. “Generally, eloping is less expensive, less complicated, less stressful, and is more intimate.”
Pro #1: You skip the stress and avoid decision burnout
There’s no way around it, wedding planning is stressful. From choosing a venue to selecting vendors and dealing with pressure from family and friends, even the most relaxed couples can develop a short fuse. Dr. Thomas says eloping can be a major benefit for the health of your relationship. Why? You get to skip all of the chaos, and become spouses sooner. After all, the heart of a wedding is the marriage — not the other way around.
Eloping prevents unnecessary disagreements about the many details of wedding planning, allowing you to sail into marriage sooner and more smoothly. “Couples can have less stress and make decisions more efficiently and quicker because there’s less time to plan things. The ‘bridezilla’ phenomenon is less likely to occur since there’s usually less emotional pressure and burnout,” Dr. Thomas explains.
Con #2: Your friends might have questions
“As much as the choice to elope should be up to the couple, family and friends may not see it that way and the couple may need to find a way to repair any emotional rift that results from their decision to elope,” Dr. Thomas shares. It’s worth giving your closest loved ones a head’s up before you elope, to prevent any miscommunication or heartache.
Would one of us regret eloping?
But when you’re discussing the possibility of eloping, make sure to share your reservations and be considerate of your partner’s concerns, Dr. Thomas urges.
“The couple needs to know themselves both as a couple and as individuals to honestly be able to determine if there would be any regrets or upset with the decision to elope.” She recommends that if either of you is torn or undecided about eloping, it’s best to hold off. If you’re both fully on board, great. If not, one of you may end up with regret or resentment.
Yvonne Thomas Ph.D. is a psychologist in Los Angeles. To read the full article “Should You Elope? Pros and Cons to Eloping” visit walletjoy.com